im a crappy person...

worth nothing...

i should just sit down in dark corner and stay away from people

im not a bad person
i have never ever wanted anything but that i coulf be loved
that i could be like everyone else

yet another day i dont enjoy living

i dont even know why to continue writing this blog
everyone are bored with me
i dont think i can ever be cured
maybe with therapy i would learn to hide all of this
just to be what others want to see like i used to
i dont think i can go back to there
and i know well enough that closer people get to me, less they like me
i just start to cry when i think about some people who used to be my friends
now they dont want to see or hear about me anymore
i hate them
i hate them for hurting me

fuck all this

i hate everything but cant hit anything else except myself

Is it worse to...

... die thinking that there will be people who get hurt and who will miss you?

or

... die thinking there will be no one to get hurt or miss you?

Everyday I just hope I would find a proof of being wrong. I guess there's not much chance. Too late to repair some things anymore. It seems Im just sitting and seeing what will happen next.

Train went by and I have no idea if another one will come...

im not able to work now

i dont even plan to finish my studies

i dont have much friends

i dont really have a clue what im living for

why should i care about anything

it doesnt really matter anyway

is there any sense in living if im not enjoying it

Hate this...

I dont know if I hate myself or others.

Cant hurt others though...

Why I always let myself fooled... Why I always think there is something more than there really is...

I always think Im good friends with someone and I act accordingly. I try to be that good friend. Then at some point I always realize that it's not a real friendship. The other one didnt think it that seriously. The other one just talked with me because at that time it was fun.

It feels crushing. Realizing every single time that the person you took as a good friend, or even possible friend isnt really thinking same about you. Realizing how stupid, silly and naive you have been thinking that you could be a friend for that person. Realizing how they just are amused that you were so deep involved in it.

i want to die but i dont want to kill myself

Feels awful 24/7. I have dropped outside. I dont belong to anywhere anymore. Alone.

Havent been much in contact with anyone lately. I have changed couple words with couple people in net. I said hi and thanks to cash register girl in supermarket. Otherwise nothing.

Cant meet people. I dont want to lie if they ask how I am. And I dont want to tell the truth either. Not that anyone would like to know it. I bother people with my sickness. It's the fact. Even though they claim otherwise.

I turned off commenting.

I'm too tired of all this.