somehow i doubt ill ever talk with some of those people i thought as my friends

no goodbyes...

i just dont exist to them anymore

sure they answer if i keep asking but otherwise im invisible to them


i dont think medicine, therapy or anything can help. i mean i can get rid of depression. i can get rid of anxiety. but what can change that people like me more? if the person, personality and identity, that i am now isnt good enough then there is no solution. only solution would be becoming another person but i dont think i want to.

maybe my personality is just a failure - kind of unsuitable for living, for having friends.

more people know me less they like me. even closest friends at some point will see something so repulsive inside me that they start avoiding me. i try to keep people in right distance but it never works. no one cares to stay as my friends more than couple years. everyone just lies about staying in contact and being as friends but they never contact me on their on. friendships are just lot of work for something that wont last.or maybe im a fastfood of friendships - consumed and discarded. and i dont believe it will ever change. i will just always end up being alone and abandoned.

my death wont make much difference..

if fact i dont think many will even notice it

deep inside im so bad and ugly that no one who knows me well enough wants stay in contact with me

if there is no land
anywhere in sight
doesnt it make sense
to swim anymore

i feel like cut off from the normal world...

"the fact that we almost never talk anymore, and that i never contact you or ask how you are, or even notice if you're gone a week or two, doesnt mean that we arent friends anymore"

i dont understand people... i never actually have...