I feel awful and it's not going away. Cant do anything - I dont even feel like doing anything. And doing nothing feels awful too.

Why do I have to become so attached to people who in the end dont grow such bond to me?

I have been thinking about someone every single day for several months. And she apparently would barely care to quickly chat with me once in a week... But I just cant seem to let go.

I guess I have couple friends less again.

I dont understand how someone claim to care about and like me but in same time not really wanting to be in any contact.

I think about certain persons every day. Several times per day. And I just hurts to know that they want to avoid me.

My life seems to be in a point of collapsing. People are getting away from me. I cant handle work anymore. I still havent got any therapist or money for it. Im in worse and worse mood and it makes more and more people wanting to avoid me.

Abandon the sinking ship - me...

Still here...

I'm halfly on a sick leave and halfy at work.

I have been trying to get into private therapy lately.

I feel totally broken. Cant think much anything else than harming or killing myself. I feel like sitting in corner and quit medicine and all doctor visits. Just sit and wait will happen.

People wont miss me. They will miss the person I used to be. But they will be probably just relieved when Im away.

I dont think those people who know me outside this blog reads this anymore.

Im tired of all this... I just feel like giving up.

I dont feel like fighting to get therapy, or trying still other medicines or anything. I dont feel like trying keep social and making people who dont have time or interest to chat with me. I dont feel like trying to keep working.

Maybe I could just sit at home and wait to see what will happen.