Sunday Thoughts

It was fun. I was home somewhere around 3 a.m. :)

On Saturday I was exhausted. Partly it was because of a hang over – party exhaustion from being with people. Actually only things I did yesterday was walking to McDonalds and writing couple articles in English. Then I guess just I slept and watched TV from bed.

Today has been kind of better and worse. I wrote required documentation for the project. And then I logged in PE. I really cant explain properly what is going on there. Its just that the atmosphere in my soc there is tense. For me it means stress – huge stress. I have absolutely no fun there last days – I cant relax or feel comfortable. I told them today that I’m thinking about leaving the society. I’m not really sure what they think about that announcement. It just would be really hard. I’m sobbing already thinking about it. I guess deep inside I know that leaving my soc is a start for quitting PE totally.

I thought my ex boyfriend today. Or not actually him but our relationship. As a conclusion I feel like I’m unable to love. I do fall in love. I get huge crushes. But really loving someone – can I do that? I usually felt so outsider in that relationship. I mean I really didn’t feel like being there. I didn’t really feel like loving – I always ended up convincing myself that I do though. Still when something happened my emotional response went off the scale.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a time bomb. Some day I’ll just go off. I’m not sure if I will hurt myself or others when I do.