Worse

If you tell someone that you are not feeling well and that person does not make any move to ask if you feeling better next time you meet or actually dont make any move to talk at all, what else it can mean than that person dont want to know or talk about it?

I always end up in troubles when I talk too much or too truthfully about myself. I think I scare people away. People ask how are you or how do you do but its not like they would like to know. Just a custom. You should say "Im fine" even if you would have just cut your wrists.

I should just face it. I dont have a friend who would care to listen my problems at same pace I have them. I just dont have. Thats it and all of it. I should stop bugging people around me in hope of finding one. Its easy for them to be supportive one month. Sometimes even some months. But a year? Or two years? Or more? No way. Only person who keeps asking how I am will probably be my psychiatrist and he too only because he gets paid for it.

Im kind of sick and tired of all friendships. I expect so much and I will always end up feeling turned down. I need friends who would contact me when I dont have strength or courage left to contact them. Friends who would understand that when I have least energy to socialize I need it most. But in the end it always seems that friendships are like business deals - canceled when it doesnt benefit enough anymore.

I feel like harming myself again :(