Weekend At Tampere
I spend weekend at Tampere. Actual reason to go there was that I got a free ticket for ice-hockey game. My cousin (not the one I have told earlier) lives there with her husband and she knew that I got the ticket so she of course wanted me to visit them.
Wasn’t that bad weekend. Hockey game itself was ok – not my local teams but didn’t matter me. It was quite a show. I guess its been some while since I have been in ice-hockey game last time. More cheerleaders, more lightshow, more music, more everything. I don’t know if its just me but I was pretty disturbed by those cheerleaders. They looked like 12-15 years old and had minimum clothes…
After ice-hockey game I went back at my cousins. We had sauna, some chatting and drinks and then oven-baked potatoes with different toppings. And then I sat on sofa, fell in sleep and I slept tight whole rest of the night. I slept lots during weekend – maybe 12 or 13 hours per day – but still I was more tired when I got home. Maybe I’m just made for 6 hour night sleeps.
Now I’m feeling weird again. Not actually down but I’m having some kind of self-humiliation period again. I’m going through all kinds of submissive fantasies. I guess this is my way of dealing with feeling of being worthless. I feel worthless and degraded so I cope it in sexual way by fantasizing how I would be that in sexual context and feel how someone could still like me and enjoy me.
Yesterday I chatted with that guy I have dated couple times. I asked him what he thinks about our dating and what he actually wants. Answer was pretty much just “I don’t know”. Annoying answer. I think that answer can mean two things: either you don’t want to decide yet but just see how it will turn out, or it means “I don’t really want you but I don’t have guts to tell you”.
Well, I encouraged myself anyway and told him what I had thought. He was pretty speechless but then just said he need to think about it. I guess he hadn’t quite expected that. And he doesn’t even know that I fantasize about rough things. I don’t want all that cuddling and kissing first – I just want him to grab my hair, forget foreplay and fuck me silly. After that I could use some hugging and cuddling. But I know the problems in this too well. Its not like I would like that every day or week. Its not like every guy likes to be rough. Just have to see what he thinks…
Wasn’t that bad weekend. Hockey game itself was ok – not my local teams but didn’t matter me. It was quite a show. I guess its been some while since I have been in ice-hockey game last time. More cheerleaders, more lightshow, more music, more everything. I don’t know if its just me but I was pretty disturbed by those cheerleaders. They looked like 12-15 years old and had minimum clothes…
After ice-hockey game I went back at my cousins. We had sauna, some chatting and drinks and then oven-baked potatoes with different toppings. And then I sat on sofa, fell in sleep and I slept tight whole rest of the night. I slept lots during weekend – maybe 12 or 13 hours per day – but still I was more tired when I got home. Maybe I’m just made for 6 hour night sleeps.
Now I’m feeling weird again. Not actually down but I’m having some kind of self-humiliation period again. I’m going through all kinds of submissive fantasies. I guess this is my way of dealing with feeling of being worthless. I feel worthless and degraded so I cope it in sexual way by fantasizing how I would be that in sexual context and feel how someone could still like me and enjoy me.
Yesterday I chatted with that guy I have dated couple times. I asked him what he thinks about our dating and what he actually wants. Answer was pretty much just “I don’t know”. Annoying answer. I think that answer can mean two things: either you don’t want to decide yet but just see how it will turn out, or it means “I don’t really want you but I don’t have guts to tell you”.
Well, I encouraged myself anyway and told him what I had thought. He was pretty speechless but then just said he need to think about it. I guess he hadn’t quite expected that. And he doesn’t even know that I fantasize about rough things. I don’t want all that cuddling and kissing first – I just want him to grab my hair, forget foreplay and fuck me silly. After that I could use some hugging and cuddling. But I know the problems in this too well. Its not like I would like that every day or week. Its not like every guy likes to be rough. Just have to see what he thinks…
posted by rakastuja at 12:50 PM
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