Holidays Over/Sex Rant

Just where did all Easter holidays go?

On Friday I was out there eating lamb. On Saturday I had some kind of fog (~hang over) in my head. It just went past. On Sunday I visited my relatives - couple hours screaming little kids. What a torture! I just sat staring on ground while 3 kids kept up non-stop screaming and running. On Monday - yesterday - I had that guy I have dated a bit visiting me. I had told him earlier that I'm not currently interested in having a relationship with him. And that's what I honestly feel. Thinking about cuddling with him, walking hand in hand... uh! No thanks! I told him that I wouldn't mind sex and friendship (yes I know that many people say that first will sooner or later destroy latter). He didn't say much to that.

I know I probably sound cruel when I say that I don't mind risking his friendship for sex. We aren't best friends or anything like that. We have known each other couple years already. Actually I cant seem to even remember when I met him. But we are just chat-level friends. We have each other in messengers and we mostly chat that way. So I'm not too scared of "sex ruining good friendship". But I am scared of sex bringing in some emotions. I still think I cant just have sex with someone longer period of time without developing any feelings.

But on otherhand I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of just imagining touching. And I don't feel like going to bars to get company - especially as I don't feel like I could really handle relationship at the moment. So what else could I do? Stay alone? In a way it feels that getting a "fuck buddy" (trendy way to put it) would be really reasonable. Of course I have heard my share of "whore" and "slut" comments. I'm not going to rant too much about those hypocritical ones who think guys should go for it all the time but girl should be nun alone and suddenly turn into a nympho in relationship. I want love, closeness, touching, sex, excitement - all that - but I don't think love and closeness can happen now so why not to get even touching, sex and excitement. I want to get sexual pleasure and I want to give it.

I want it on physical level and mentally too... I want "mind fucking". Not sure where I heard that term but I have grown to like it. You can get fucked, spanked or anything but when you get spanked until you sob form pain and humiliation, tied up to completely helpless and then fucked until you don't know if you hate or love what someone does with your body and finally hugged and comforted, you have been through proper mind fucking. Its something that makes the difference between proper kinks and just dressing up to fetish clothes and mechanical spanking without right mind set.

Uh oh... I wondered far far away from my original subject...

So he came over, we chatted a bit, I gave him a blowjob, we ate some lasagne and watched TV, and then we had some more sex and he went back home. It wasnt great but it was ok and I don't regret it at all. :)