Hard Two Weeks Ahead

Less you write, harder it gets...

I have started writing couple times but I haven’t got so far that I would have posted. Another try now.

The date back then went pretty ok. I’m not sure how much we are dating or are just “dating”. He’s ok but I’m not much interested in him. But then again I know I may easily develop feelings toward anyone I hang with for longer time.

Last week was hard. Too much stress from university and then some social trouble. I almost felt like collapsing on Thursday. But then things got bit better. I gathered my strength and talked with H and it made me feel whole lot better. On last Saturday I was helping my friend who moved to new house. Long day but not that bad at all. Took over 12 hours and every place still hurts from carrying stuff (even though guys did most of the carrying). But at least I had something social. Lots of chatting all the time too.

Their new house is simply great. I got kind of spark for improving my own flat too. I need more lamps, more artwork etc. I should put a bit more effort into it since I seem to spend loads and loads hours here anyway.

This week will be awful. Next week will be worse. And I am actually afraid how Ill make through it. Last week I was really down – lower than I have been for a while. I feel really uncomfortable thinking next weeks. I don’t want to get those self harming and suicidal thoughts again. Now I feel quite good but knowing what will come makes me nervous. I guess I just have to make sure I start working on each task early enough so that I don’t leave myself impossible amounts of works on last days.
Gotta try to keep writing here also.