Morning Report

Yesterday was just as hard as I thought it would be. Nothing bad happened but I felt shaky whole evening. Today is possibly going to be worse. Bad thing is that I need to read to exam too. Its really hard to do since there's no actual set amount or such how much I should do that. Project work is easy to do since there is set amount of hours and predefined tasks. In studying for exams there's none. Basically I could skip all the studying. That's just what I'm afraid I end up doing.

Yesterday was international Women's Day. Not much difference except when I came back home, almost one third of women had a rose in subway. I guess some market gave them or something. I bought myself a chocolate pudding... doest it have something to do with this? No idea.

I have thought a lot again... this dating thing of mine... that porn story I have been polishing over a year already etc. If I'm really honest with what I want, I don't want romantic relationship with him. He's nice, fun etc but no thanks. I however do keep thinking about sex with him. I guess I wouldn't mind getting some of my submissive fantasies fulfilled either. I kind of secretly hope that he would take advantage of my lust to please him. But fantasies are again fantasies. Reality can be cruel especially if (or when) emotions kick in.

I remember I promised myself that I would be more honest with my feeling couple years ago already... promised to take initiative and tell my honest feelings even if it would lead to getting hurt time to time. Should I tell him that just friends with or without sex is what want. Damn its always hard when you sink in that "what he will think about me then" -pit.

Need to get back working...