Me And Me In My Head Every Day

- She doesn't want to talk with me.
- Why do you think so?
- Its the way she talks. Her answers took time. They were not like when she is interested in talking.
- Maybe she was busy. Or talking with someone else too.
- Why didn't she say so then? She should know I'm extremely sensitive to these things.
- Because she thought that you wanted to talk and she didn't want to say "no"?
- But still. So she kept talking to me as a some kind of secondary activity - as long as it didn't bother her other things.
- You cant expect to be most important thing for other people.
- When I speak with her I give her my attention.
- Its because you don't have much friends anyway. You are quite a sucker to anyone who is friendly with you.
- So I shouldn't expect her to be a serious friend?
- She has many time indicated that she cares. That sounds "serious".
- Whats the use of someone caring about you if you're halfly ignored?
- People do "halfly ignore" even ones they care.
- So I should just accept it and not complain about it?
- Might be good idea.
- I'm so fed up acting and hiding what I feel.
- Its not about acting.
- It is for me. Its acting - trying to pass as a normal person since I feel wrong.
- Maybe you could just ask when you wonder these kind of things?
- I don't think she would like me asking that kind of questions every day.
- Why not?
- Pointing out what someone does "wrong" easily makes that person try to "correct" them.
- And that would be bad thing?
- Then people around me would give me special treatment. They would try to communicate me in a way I guided them to do. And its me who reacts wrong, not they doing wrong.
- Why would that still be bad thing?
- Would they then express their real feelings and thoughts if everything is covered into act which is made to prevent me getting hurt?
- Its not totally sure that they would "act" towards you.
- What other could it be called if they would for example know that they shouldn't talk with me unless they give me enough attention? They would try to hide it best they can when they are busy or upset or such.
- And that is bad?
- Would I then get attention because they want to give me it or because they know I get hurt unless I get it?

And it goes on...