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I haven't written for a while... Didn't feel like writing for some reason. On Saturday I went my friend's birthday & moving parties. It was boring actually. I wasn't in mood for it at all. I just waited that it would be late enough to leave.

Somehow I have been in quite good mood. Not depressed but a bit anxious though. I have been busy due the project I'm working on now and it seems it causes more stress than I can handle. I had stomach pains on Monday and they still haven't properly gone away. But its not all bad. I have couple times felt like my mood would go down but I have hanged on and managed to stay "above" depression. It does a lot when I just can keep social. It almost feels like all my problems would be tied to relationships with other people. As long as everything goes well its all good but when something goes wrong, and I cant find strength to fix it, I come crashing down. Of course by "going wrong" I mean little things like that someone does not say "hi" or such.

Its kind of sad. I'm now already so pessimistic that I just cant help thinking that its only matter of time when the suicidal period hits me. This time it will be a lot worse. Now I have been social and in some ways I can say that I got couple friends I'm in touch almost daily. When I become very depressed its very likely that those friendships will cool down. It will be very likely that I get extremely hurt realizing that those friendships meant so much more to me...