Monday Mumbling

It seems that on Saturday night I sent SMS to my friend and told that I'm not sane - that I have been seeing psychologist and that I have been depressed for long time.

She tried to call me today but I didn't answer phone. I know... I'm a coward.

I'm just really afraid that what happened with my cousin will happen again. Officially everything is ok now. Unofficially we are not too close anymore.

I got multiple exams this week. Right now I should be studying hard. I'm not. I just cant force myself to concentrate. I have tight schedule this winter. There's lots of courses I simply have to pass this time. Dunno... maybe I should really start to think about taking a year off from university. Maybe I'm expecting too much. I having suicidal thoughts but same time I'm worried about exams. When did exams become so important? Still... I'm not keen on dropping the only sensible thing I do currently. Without studies I have little reason to get up from bed.