Tuska Festival

Haven't written since Tuesday again...

I have been writing in one mental health forum lately and it seems I write my daily things there more and more often. It feels quite pretentious to write same things here too.

I have been now two days in Tuska Open Air Heavy Metal Festival. Weather has been really great - sun shines from clear sky. Atmosphere is great too. And I kind of love the people who go there. Lots of diversity. Goths, neongoths (or whatever - those who are a bit goth stylish but use lots of colors) and so on. Corsets, see-through shirts, a lot of leather and metal and so on. Guys in skirts... a girl having her boyfriend in leash...

I have to admit that I got a thing for gothic style girls. And guys too - especially when they look a bit androgynous. Actually I'm having hard time not to stare every good looking person there. Though in my experience heterogirls rarely mind getting some attention from girls, so I guess it doesn't matter much.

Yesterday I just drank too much :(

I don't know how it happened again. I don't have that clear idea how the end of the evening went. I missed last bands because of that. But I stayed away from my friends because of that. I didn't want them to know I was so drunk. I guess I mostly feel ashamed of it. I just send them a message that I was hanging out with someone else and that I would catch them later. In reality I just stand alone trying to fight back feeling nauseous.

And I didn't catch them later. I just came straight home alone. And I threw up near subway station.

Today Tuska continues. My friends will ask where I went yesterday and I'll just lie them that I hanged with someone else and was tired and went home right away or such...

I'm 25 years old. I shouldn't have problem in drinking too much. I shouldn't have problem in admitting it when I have drank too much... I just cant get over thinking what they think about me if they would know.

It's a kind of sad sight...25 years old woman throwing up like a pitiful teenager...