Feeling Better

Writing this at work now.

Weird how free time per day seems so short. When I get back at home I feel like I hardly have any time to do anything I like. I need to make some dinner, wash dishes and clothes, I should really clean up my place, plants need watering etc.

Its easy to spend couple hours after getting home doing those and then it seems that there's only some hours left before I should go to bed.

I have been really lazy at work until this morning. Tomorrow I must have something solid to show my progress. I just need to work efficiently rest of this day and maybe come here early tomorrow to continue a bit.

But yesterday evening was kind of good still. N is pretty happy now with her new boyfriend. H got new medicine and feels better. I feel better after my vacation. This all seems unreal. Its like happy ending - except that this is no way an end.

Oh yes... M sent me a text message yesterday. She invites me to all girl parties on Saturday. Scary! M was that quite butchy lesbian I have written about several times earlier. Now when she says "all girl party" it can mean anything. I mean it can mean bunch of girls drinking beer and listening hard rock. Or it can mean orgies...

Ok. There is clear reason why I thought orgies or some kind of sex party immediately. First of all our relationship would have been most accurately described as "fuckbuddies". We are not that good friends. So when she suddenly contacts me its pretty reasonable to think sex is the motivation there.

On other hand I feel kind of bad going on thinking about orgies immediately when lesbian throws up an all girl parties. I mean its just stupid to think that way. Heteros parties consisting of single men and women aren't (always anyway) orgies either.

Now that pondering is still kind of amusing. Then comes the hard thing: being utterly honest, would I actually prefer them to be orgies?

Thought seems pretty intriguing. But I have serious doubts if I could relax and enjoy in that kind of situation. I should call M and ask what kind of parties they are but then again I feel a bit scared I will end up making myself a jerk when asking if her casual party is some sex orgy.

Haha.. How do I manage to make things this complex?

Now as I'm posting this I just came back from playing tennis. Great weather, sun shine, fresh air... All that. I just feel good now. :)