Childish

I think the worst is over for now. I don't have any pains now or such - I'm just feeling down. I'm confused with some of my friends. Half of time it seems to me that they really care - other half they don't. Maybe its a kind of obligation for them. When they know I'm depressed they feel like they should do something for it. But still they aren't anything more than they were. They usually still prefer someone else to talk with. They still have they everyday routines which give me negative signs too.

And the worst thing is that I actually cant blame them. Its not their fault. I pretty much keep distance to everyone. I cant expect to be best friends with everyone I like. I now understand better how childish my behavior can be...

Imagine a child who has something on mind, she wont wait patiently until mother happens to have time - she demands that attention immediately. Not getting it is getting rejected. It will cause child to do something to get noticed - cry, scream, behave badly, pout etc. Adults tend to say that child acts that way to get attention. But on other hand I think its not necessarily only acting to reach own goals but reacting to things that very real to that child - mother ignored her.

When growing up you are told how that behavior is childish. You get other, more discreet ways to react and show your feelings (or supposely if you're normal you don't get those feelings so easily). And same time you feel guilty and ashamed being so childish. Seeing that no one else acts that way anymore - it must be wrong behavior then. Others don't react to those things, so shouldn't you. Just the thing I refer with mask or acting - not letting out the real reactions but behaving like you're supposed to.