Meeting

I had a meeting with the company today. Two and a half hours. They were pretty angry about the low quality of the work I had done but decided not to use sanction rule. I don’t think I have understood it yet. They wont reduce my payment at all so I don’t need to worry that much about money. I guess I should feel happy now but I’m actually trying to hold back tears. Maybe it’s the relief. I again put everything I had to that meeting. Its always when I come back home after meeting some people I feel really exhausted. Its like I could finally relax and stop acting. I could finally stop pretending that I’m more and better than I am.

I went to shopping after that meeting but I had absolute no interest to be in shops. Finally I decided only to buy a tuna fish steak for evening. I think I can now afford to spend couple euros celebrating that I didn’t lose thousands.

But its not totally over yet. They wanted me to do some changes to the texts during weekend. Of course I promised anything they wanted. Now it seems that I cant relax much. In addition to those I got a software project and English course to think about during weekend. Just when do I get some rest? Hopefully next Monday the whole freelancing job issue is over and I can finally push it away from my mind. I think I have been blessed with a great ability to forget bad things – I don’t remember half of my life. Maybe it’s the reason why I got so wild imagination. Something needs to fill up the void in my brains.

Tonight I’m going to get absolutely drunk. I somehow wish I would have courage to go bars but someone I think I may just sit home at the computer and drink. Need a social life too some day.