Gnite, Gnite

Ao was in poor mood. It turned to macabre humor but it actually scared me a bit... just how many times I have been really ready to cut my wrists and people have taken it as a 'normal poor mood'... I hope she isn't as bad as she might be.

Again today I wondered how it is with my friends in PE. I got 40 people in my friends list. Two of them would pm me for a chat... then I got 2-3 more who pm me when they got something to ask or they want something. What about rest? No idea. Most of them seem cheered up when I pm them but they doesn't seem to put much effort to keep conversation alive - nor they ever pm me just for chat.

N bothers me most. I really care about her and we used to have so long chats and spend time together. Now we don't really talk anymore. And when we talk even shortly, its because I contact her. I don't think she really wants to talk with me anymore... just too polite to say it.

Today has been a kind of busy day. I have written a lot in English for the course. I also visited my grandmother. She had got some kind of a medal for civil work during war. She was really proud. I guess its some kind of 'pay to get a medal' thing that my aunt has arranged but who cares. Her sister said it quite well... everyone of their age group should get such.

I wonder how it is with this blog. I feel like I could bleed half of my mind here. I actually do think this helps. I'm just so lonely. I have no one to talk with. At least with this I can tell someone - though I think its quite unlikely that someone would read all these texts... but I think too much and writing decreases thinking so its good.

Now I'm off to bed. Good night *hugs & kisses*