Same Boring Things Again

I have decided to leave.
- "Good."
We probably wont see each other so much anymore...
- "Ok."
...
- "I need to go. Byes."
...


Why do I always think that when someone claims to be my friend it would mean same as my idea of being "friends"? I use hours and hours trying to explain why I would need some kind of special treatment and thinking that if someone really sees me as a friend they could do that for me...

Just small extra things to say to help me feel secure. Just small actions to show that they care because I'm totally unable to remember it. But it's always too much. I'm always wrong even wanting such things. I'm wrong if I get hurted by such things. I'm wrong even in writing this.

I often feel that friendships are "take it or leave it" things. My only options are to be alone or to just accept that I wont get what I want. I'm not important or good enough for anyone for them to treat me in a different way than they treat other people.

So it all comes to me being incompatible with people.
I'm somehow broken inside.