Headache

I have a headache.

And I'm disappointed and feel turned down again. Like almost every day. How could I get better when I feel I get hammered down every time?

And I'm so fed up everything being my fault. If I dont have strength to go out, it's my fault. If I get hurted in something, it's my fault. If I expect something, it's my fault.

Feels my life has two rules "expect and demand nothing" and "forgive everything". I should always keep all the bad feelings and disappointments in myself.

But now I'm just totally broken with it. I think I have had some kind of break down or burn out with this. Too much stress, anxiety, depression, disappointments... I dont really care anymore. I wont be able to cheer up or show "normal" face outwards. I'm just a wreckage now.