Nervous Again

Got better yesterday... I swinged quite fast back to almost normal. M came to visit me and we had just a cuddly evening on sofa under fleece blanket. :)

Right now I feel really weak again. Not really depressed but feeling anxious deep inside. Nervous.

Nervous because I know that it just waits to surface again. And tired because it kind of feels pointless to even try cheering up. Whats the use of exhausting myself in cheering up for a day or two - and then being miserable twice as long time?

Next week I finally got the appointment time. Not that long time. Just need to hang on until that.

I'll be spending whole weekend with M again. Im happy and anxious same time. I still cant show her what really goes on inside. I do feel better when she's around. But on same time I get more anxious from not being able to let things out. She's great to have couple days in week but I need breaks between so that I let the depression and anxiosity out too.