Slavery

I have been swinging between depression and extreme anger. I cant let it out in any way. I guess that's why I feel like hurting myself. I'm just not hurted and angry. I'm boiling inside. But I cant really let it out. It would only make things worse. Even when I let it out in slightest bits people get angry at me and tell I'm blaming them and not fair and so on.

I guess only option is just to keep everything inside and act like everything would be good. As long as I please others and take all blame myself and apologize everyone they will tolerate me. I dont even remember when someone would have admitted to be even partially faulty in any situation where I have got hurt

Now if I could understand what's really the use in living this way... This is a kind of slavery... I need people who dont need me. I have no rights.