Bit Better Things

Quite good things have happened lately.

Friday went well at work. On Saturday there was crayfish parties and I introduced M to my parents and family. I was nervous but everything went ok. Looks like we are formally together now.

We havent talked too much about being together. First it was just sex. Now we have spent quite much time together outside bedroom too. We have been every weekend together so it didnt make sense to stay separated because of a family parties. Good thing my family is open-minded with these things.

M got pretty drunk and such but nothing too bad happened. :)

I called health care yesterday morning again and now Im actually waiting to hear about therapy times. Im feeling somehow determined now. Not so good, not so bad, but determined.

H dropped bombs yesterday by saying that she's actually bit into dom side. That really changed my image of her a bit. And I have been happily babbling all kinds of things about me being a sub without having any idea.

Well I have always felt attracted to her. :)

M and I have been talking about exploring bdsm a bit further. Neither of us seems to really know what it would mean in practice. Actually it started when I told her I wish she would take more advantage of me being submissive. And she told she would but she havent done that because of my depression. We had long talk about it. Sometimes when I feel worst I simply crave for those things...

I dont know how it will turn out. I get butterflies in my stomach when I think about it. Kind of silly. So far it has been pretty strictly all about what happens in sex. I guess this is taking it a bit out of bedroom too. Honestly I feel scared of giving any control of my life away.

Of course it's all about play or roling. I wouldnt really give away power - just some control.

I would be interested in orgasm denial and her kind controlling my whole sexuality - not just what happens between us. No idea if I can handle it. Masturbation is a great escape in my life. When everything have sucked in my, I still have had that one way to feel good even for a moment.

Also it's so much a habbit. Will be hard to make differences to it.

I think she would be more interested in something that could be called "positioning". Kind of things that make it clear that she is in control. And she has many times showed interest in doing something in public - and it freaks me out totally.

So far no idea what will happen next.

Oh yes and one thing I didnt tell M about - Im finding cocks awfully interesting again. For reason I seem to have a some kind of obsession for giving a blowjob. I guess it's the fascination of something I havent had for long time. Dunno. Im weird. I could suck one simply for the sake of doing it...