Dead End

Last night went pretty much in crying.

Yesterday I was feeling lonely. I have maybe 50 people in my IM contact lists, from at least 5 different time zones. None was online.

So here it is again:
How come that from closest 20 friends in my contact list (half consisting of real life friends) no one says even "hi" for a week?

Ok. Then I say then "hi" and tell that I'm having a hard time. I tell them how much it would mean if someone would even talk with me daily.

Do they say "hi" next day? No.

With some people, I have specifically talked how I don't understand people who don't ask next day how you are after being told about being ill or something... Ok. Some of those people do ask how I am - next day. But rarely day after that and so on.

I have tried and tried to explain how big difference it makes to me whether they would just say "hi" or not. And then in the end they still don't. What does that tell?

How should that be reasoned?

I usually try to think that I understand or perceive things wrong. There's just something in that story that don't match. Or I just care too much about wrong people or something.

This is a kind of dead end in my thinking.