I feel anxious and awful all the time. I just cant stand it. I cant sit still or focus on doing anything. Anxiety meds help but only for short time - only for couple hours. And I shouldnt even take them every day. Though I have now for some while taken just as many as I have wanted each day. Who really cares if I become addicted or not? I dont.

I cant keep this all inside. I end up imagining how I could cut myself open and let all the bad things come out...

Problem is that I dont have anyone left who I could tell how I feel. I feel so lonely but same time if I want to spend time with people I would need to hide what I feel inside. People know Im not ok - that's why they dont try to spend time with me so much anymore. When I contact them, they expect that I would be in a bit better mood or at least not tell them how bad I feel.