Shock

I think Im now just beginning to understand in what kind of shock I have been.

Im always afraid of being abandoned. Now it more or less happened for real. Also like my gut feeling always keeps telling when people dont like me or when I bother them or when they wouldnt care to talk with me or know how I am... and now it then happened...

First you are afraid and almost paranoid about something and just tell you are wrong in your feelings. And then you realize that you were right. And that being right is even worse.