Truth Kills

I just want to go numb with meds and alcohol...

Feels like everything is coming down now...

Seems like the illusion I have had has just crumbled away and now I really see the reality. I would like to stop pushing myself to social situations. Just to see if people would try to take contact to me if I dont do it first. How long I would be alone?

Day or two before someone wonders how Im doing? Doubt...

Week before people wonder where I have gone? Maybe...

Month before someone thinks its weird I have disappeared? Could be...

I dont think I would wait that long though. I think I the truth would kill me faster...