Going On And On

I have been somehow emotionally void lately.

I have been kind of happy - but not quite. Kind of depressed but not quite.

Work has been both stressful and interesting. Stressful as I'm slowly getting loaded with responsibilities but also rewarding as I seem to be doing good job.

I'm regularly visiting psychologist now. One hour every week. I dont know if there is any progress. My psychologist was pretty harsh on me last time. I was shaking and almost crying when I came out. I havent cried much lately and I dont know why it's so hard to cry there. I just need to hold my tears before I get out.

I'm desperately seeking attention now. And seeking way to kind of "let bad feelings out". I dont cry on daily basis like I used to. I dont crawl in depression so much. I feel like a train - just going on much without caring what happens or how I feel. I in a way feel like intentionally hurting myself again to be able to somehow grasp it.