Tuesday And Anal Sex

Another day at work.

My mood goes up and down on daily basis. The medicines help now to some extend. They have removed flegmatic depression phase. They removed the utter void feeling. In that sense I feel better.

But my mood dont seem to stay still.

I have had major problems getting orgasm now. And it's not due lack of trying. It's getting fairly frustrating. I guess that's the reason why I now spend a lot of time in chats and so on. Not really looking for sexual arousement or flirt but being unable to think anything else.

I hope I havent written about this earlier... about my special, emotional relationship to anal sex. Before meeting my ex-boyfriend I believed that all men wanted and loved anal sex. I guess it was pretty much because of porn and such (yup - I read erotica/porn quite a lot before actually having sex with anyone). So I was all prepared to have it. I wanted to be good in bed and that would mean having anal sex. I mean I thought that maybe I wouldnt really enjoy it but it couldnt be so bad that I couldnt do it to please my partner (submissive tendencies here already?).

So then I met my ex. He didnt want to even try anal sex. I know it probably sounds silly or stupid but I felt disappointed and turned down. I felt it a bit in a way that because he didnt want anal sex, he didnt want me. I hid that feeling... I wasnt even close to this open and aware of my sexuality as I am now.

Of course I do realize now that anal sex is not for everyone. I guess fairly rare girl really is into it. I dont know myself if it's always that enjoyable on physical level. But for me it's very emotional and intimate thing anyway.